5 Steps For How To Meet People Where They Are
Meet people where they are, earn the right to be heard, and then have the courage not to let them stay where they are. Pause. Read that sentence again. Meet people RIGHT where they are in their mess. No judgment. No requiring them to change before you will accept them. Just unconditional love, the same love that Jesus offered to you and me when he first met us in our mess.
Earn the right to be heard. Listen, really listen to their story. Lead with compassion. Learn their name, their background, and what makes them tick. Be slow to judge, slow to correct, only offering advice after you have earned the right to be heard.
Have the courage not to let the people in your life stay where they are. We all get stuck and need faithful friends and family who will challenge us to move forward in our walk with God. Only after you have understood their mess and earned the right to be heard should you challenge the blind spots in someone's life.
To The Unknown God
Paul's story in Athens provides us with a great example of how to meet people where they are. Together let's unpack one of my favorite New Testament stories and then consider five practical tips for HOW TO "meet people where they are."
"Now while Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him as he saw that the city was full of idols. So he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and the devout persons, and in the marketplace every day with those who happened to be there. Some of the Epicurean and Stoic philosophers also conversed with him. And some said, "What does this babbler wish to say?" Others said, "He seems to be a preacher of foreign divinities"—because he was preaching Jesus and the resurrection. And they took him and brought him to the Areopagus, saying, "May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? For you bring some strange things to our ears. We wish to know therefore what these things mean." Now all the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there would spend their time in nothing except telling or hearing something new. So Paul, standing in the midst of the Areopagus, said: "Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious. For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription: 'To the unknown god.' What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for "'In him we live and move and have our being'; as even some of your own poets have said, "'For we are indeed his offspring.' Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man. The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead." Acts 17:16-31 ESV
Five Practical Steps For How To Meet People Where They Are
1. Find a connection point
Perhaps you both like basketball, hiking, or have young kids. Start with what you have in common and build off of that. I see two ways in the verses above that Paul found a connection point with the people of Athens. First, in verse 21, it says the people "would spend their time in nothing except telling or hearing something new." The message Paul was about to bring them was NEW and life-changing. Second, we see in verse 23 that Paul found a second connection point, "I found also an altar with this inscription: To the unknown god." Paul used this as an in to share the gospel of Jesus.
2. Seek to understand before being understood
Probe to understand. Ask lots of questions. The more questions you ask, the more you get to know the other person, and then you will be less likely to give unsolicited advice. In verses 16 and 23, we see that while waiting for Timothy and Silas to arrive in Athens, Paul took the time to observe the idols and objects of worship that the people were currently worshiping. In verse 22, he even starts his speech by complimenting them instead of rebuking them, "I perceive that in every way you are very religious."
3. Build friendships not spiritual projects
At one point or another, we have all been guilty of viewing our relationships with non-Christians as a project and not a friendship. We should be looking for ways to share the gospel, but this should start with a genuine friendship and not just a desire to convert this person and then move on. Fast forward to chapter 18 of Acts, and we read that Paul, after receiving a vision from the Lord stays a year and a half teaching and building friendships in Corinth. "And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, "Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you, for I have many in this city who are my people." And he stayed a year and six months, teaching the word of God among them." Acts 18:9-11 ESV
4. 24-hour rule
So you have found a connection point, you have worked hard to understand and ask questions before sharing your opinion, and you're on your way to developing a true friendship. At some point, you will be faced with the temptation to give advice ON THE SPOT in a conversation. What I have found is that when I get this feeling, it is best to bite my tongue, ask more questions and give it 24 hours before I respond. Often the delivery method and timing of the advice or correction is more important than the message itself. Spend time in prayer, asking the Lord how and when to respond.
5. Don't tell people what to do, lead them to the answer, and then pray that God will help them make the right choice.
Nobody wants to be told what to do. When the Lord leads you to challenge someone to make a change, present your advice, share your experience, and then pass the responsibility for change to other person. Don't force change; take the person to the God who can help them make a permanent life change, and they will learn how to make life change when you are no longer in their life.
A World In Crisis
Our world desperately needs people who will put aside their selfish desires and willingly lean into the mess of others' lives. We must deal with our own initial bent towards judgment, exchanging these feelings for compassion. Judgment leads to entitlement, and entitlement leads to walking away from others when we disagree, effectively saying I don't have time for you. Jesus calls us to surrender our agendas, convictions, and selfish desires to partner with him to point others to the cross. The question is... are we willing to not be the center of our own universe?
Sample Prayer
Lord, I confess that all too often my initial response is judgment. Help me exchange my judgment for your compassion. Open my eyes to those who are drowning in their own mess, extending the same unconditional love to them that you gave to me.
Featured Music
Matthew West - My Own Little World
As you listen to this song allow God to open your eyes to the people in your world who desperately need you to light the way to Jesus. They need compassion and not judgment. They need a hand up and not a hand out. And time is running out.
What if there is a bigger picture?
What if I’m missin’ out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be livin’ right now?
Outside my own little world?
About the Author
Nathan Miller
You may know me as a husband, father, son, brother, friend, mentor, ultra marathoner runner, NBA basketball enthusiast, fan of all things tech, music lover and writer. However, the life blood that flows through everything that I strive to be comes from a desire for greater intimacy with Jesus Christ. He is my Savior, my Provider, my Lord and most of all my best friend.